About People

Why is it that certain times of the day feel the way they do. when u can think of nothing but all the things that you don't have? And were someone to ask you to consider what you have, you'd look down, look up and say "Haaan naa but..." or maybe " Yea Youre right" but deep inside you know it's not enough! because maybe it isn't.maybe it REALLy isn't. Happiness for me is in "peace of mind" that is quite unavailable these days...and I don't see it coming through material things...then where from?
Sometimes people can make all the difference: the presence or absence of "certain people"! But one should also understand that another soul cannot possibly be more important than your own! Then why do we put our soul through the misery and drudgery of the continuous remembrance of the absence of another? Who's worth what? And How will U know? I say: "every man for himself" (Hoobastank it turns out to be!) i.e. if ure not happy alone, u aint gonna be happy ever and if u tell me thats not possible then i believe ure terribly mistaken because here's the logic:
if u cant admire ureself, if u cant love ureself in isolation, how can u expect others to admire u? its a vicious cycle..since everyone wants their bit of happiness from another...
Theres a catch in this vicious cycle and that is the temptation and the ultimate consolation of Self Pity!!!!
sadness->Self Pity-> Blame Game->jealousy of people apparently outside the cycle-> sadness (i.e. back to square one!)
I say: Boredom-> Read-some-> become a better person->go out, eat-some-> come back and maybe read-some-more! no no, bad theory..turns out we DO need people!
It is here that I'm forced to think of the soul as an entity and also the ease with which we tend to run after everything the brain points towards and somewhere along the line, reality slips away and all we seem to be doing is playing with insttruments, completely oblivious to the patient that lays there restless and in pain. and somehow this pain and restlessness reminds me of the soul inside of me, my patient.
Some days, all this seems so clear and simple that just the thought of it being so simple makes it dubious. But one thing is for sure, when people leave your side, once the party's over and you're cleaning up after the fun...He is invariably there, to hoist u above turbulent seas, to pump up saddened spirits but we're only too quick to wriggle out of that confort and rush back into the same old drudge like a child pushes away her mother once her tears are dry and she finds something new to pin her hopes upon...only to graple again in the dark for the warmth of her embrace...
I just fear it be too late, that one day that embrace shuns me..or you...and that we long for it to return but are only met with gloom...
This confidence that it won't be anytime soon, is like a child's confidence in the clear ocean...who knows when it rises high enough to engulf whole continents? who knows?